Parenting the Sensitive Child (1)

Sensitive children need to be parented and disciplined in a different way and their specific sensitivity must also be taken into account. In this blog post I will be talking about children with a Sensitive Eye.

(If you have missed my previous blog post on sensitive children, HERE it is)

These children need to be restricted by what they see on the television, making sure they don’t see violence, bullying, or people/animals getting hurt. The reason for this is that they experience these much more personally and the images will haunt them and may cause nightmares. Not only for young kids, but also for teenagers, so always keep this in mind.

They also stress immediately when someone looks angry or upset. The first thing their minds jump to is: “What did I do wrong?” and the child may not hear a word you say while looking this way. This means that the child never hears what he/she actually did do wrong, so they probably will do it again.

When your child needs disciplining, make sure that your face and body language is neutral - no frowning, thin mouth line, aggressive or defensive body position, etc.

Understandably this may be impossible for many parents. No need to worry - if you can’t get a hold of your body language, ask the child to close his/her eyes before you explain what they did wrong and how you want them to fix it (apology?).

These kids also do extremely well with visual recognition. Draw up a reward chart (or print one out from the internet!) and mark the chores and behaviours you need from him/her. I suggest using the gold star and black dot system where a gold star is received for every positive behavior and a black dot is for every negative behavior.

You can do this either on a day-by-day chart (1 week at a time) or an open chart where actions receives recognition when done or not done, irrespective of when. What I like about the open chart is that a child can get more than one star (or dot) per day if they deserved it.

Day-to-day 1 week chart

Another way of tackling the open chart is to use only stars and take one away for bad behavior. Or a black dot may be taken down if the child reverses the bad behavior with good.

Open chart

What you need to understand about the chart is that sensitive eye children want to see good recognition and fear bad or ugly feedback. If you can give the black dot “the ultimate bad” reputation, the child will fear it going on the chart and rather do good things to make the bad things disappear. You are responsible to give the stars and dots the association the child needs to understand and pursue them.

Put the chart up somewhere where people will see it. It is no use hiding it in the child's closet, because then his/her friends won't accidentally see it. The child must want to to be proud of the chart when friends see it. The kitchen is always a good spot.

Make sure that the child is always present when stars or dots are put up (or taken down).

More examples of charts (click on the image to see a larger version):

Blog post: How to discipline a child with a sensitive EAR

Sensitive Children

Some children seem to let nothing get them down while others seem to take everything personally. You may or may not be aware that your child is sensitive.

An easy way to check is to watch your child and listen carefully to his/her stories. Does she say yes to things she shouldn’t? Is he concerned about a boy in class that doesn’t like him? Is she always trying to please others?

These are a few ways to guess at sensitivity and the interesting thing about sensitivity is that it is directly connected to either a dominant left ear or left eye or both. This is tested during the genetic brain profile. This is also my favourite part of the brain profile.

Sensitive children all have the following in common:

-    They find it hard to say “no” to people, even if the request is irrational.

-    They want people to be happy. If not, they’ll try to cheer the person up.

-    They want people to like them. If one person doesn’t like them, they’ll be fixated on that and rarely focus on the people who do like them.

-    They are compassionate towards other people and sincere empathy comes naturally to them.

-    When they stress, they feel like the whole world is against them, nobody cares about them, everybody hates them and they may even be scared.

Sensitive EAR	Sensitive EYE
- Sensitive to tone and pitch - Are distracted by noise - If people SOUND angry, they assume it's their fault and stress - Shrill or loud voices = angry voices	- Sensitive to body language - Are distracted by movement - If people LOOK angry, they assume it's their fault and stress - Violence/painful scenes haunts them
*Need VERBAL RECOGNITION	*Need VISUAL RECOGNITION
Spoken words of affirmation: “I love you”, “you are beautiful”, “thank you”, "Mommy is proud of you", etc.	Show affection: hugs; kisses; notes on the fridge, pillow or in lunch boxes; special gestures (eg. favorite dinner), etc.
*This is not an ego booster. Without these recognitions, the child assumes the opposite is true and develops a low self esteem.

It is vital to understand your child’s sensitivity. Giving the wrong kind of recognition leads to misunderstandings and lots of heartache for both parent and child. They also need guidance to learn how to say “no” to people; otherwise they will always be “the sucker who says yes”.

They need to learn how to be compassionate without compromising themselves and for that they need gentle parenting.

Some children have both of these sensitivities, which make them classic people pleasers. Help and show them how to be assertive because they easily fall prey to others’ manipulations. They also need both types of recognition to develop a healthy self esteem.

Some children have no sensitivity at all which you need to be aware of as well. They can become arrogant, defiant and manipulative. They need to learn how to deal with other peoples’ feelings (since they don’t care what other people think of them) and be considerate towards others.

Blog post: How to discipline a child with a sensitive EYE

Blog post: How to discipline a child with a sensitive EAR

The Importance of Healthy Eating

"What you put in is what you get out.” A famous saying we’ve all heard before. Maybe it’s time to take some time to understand exactly what this means.

Children don’t want to eat vegetables anymore. They’d rather have a burger and chips. And a nice cold Coke to wash it all down.

According to the Society for Neuroscience, recent studies reveal that diets with high levels of saturated fats actually impair learning and memory. Sadly these are the foods that are more affordable and readily available for kids in school cafeterias, people on the run and fits easily into busy schedules.

In addition to the saturated fat, many of these foods include white bread or other refined grains, fried foods and sugary foods and drinks which are all high in glucose. After such a meal the body sends all the energy to the digestive tract to process the food, causing the child to feel lethargic and having trouble concentrating in class. Other side effects include irritability, lack of mental performance and a regular diet of high glucose can result in damage to the kidneys, eyes, blood vessels and nerves.

A study done by Prof. Fernando Gómez-Pinilla of UCLA found that junk food reduces brain performance while commonly known healthy foods have numerous benefits. Omega 3 fatty acids (found in salmon, walnuts and kiwi fruit), for instance, improves learning ability and memory as well as help fight against certain mental disorders.

It is well known that child obesity is increasing, but the interessing part is that both over and underweight children may suffer from malnutrition. Unlike commonly thought that malnutrition only happens in developing countries with famine, malnutrition is not a lack of food, it is a lack of nutrients.

This means that children in first world countries can be malnourished if they don’t eat food with essential vitamins, minerals and nutirents, like vegetables, fresh fruits and proper meat.

This doesn’t mean that you have to look for vitamin enriched cereals next time you go to the store, this means you have to change the diet of your family, making sure everyone gets al least five portions of fruit and vegetables per day.

I was visiting family a while back and had some cereal for breakfast when I noticed the price was extremely cheap and only after examining the box I found the that best before date was 10 years earlier! The cereal tasted just fine.

The rule of thumb for food: if it doesn’t spoil, don’t eat it; but always eat it before it spoils.

You and your children need live foods, because “dead” food (those that lasts forever) have no nutrients and therefore doesn’t contribute to your body (except perhaps add some love handles). The body needs proper food in order to work and do what you expect of it.

Your children need a healthy diet, because they are growing and learning new things every day. If they are malnourished, their brains can’t work as they should and you will hear a lot of “I don’t want to go to school”, “I’ll do my homework later”, “I don’t want to study”.

Change your family’s lifestyle today. Eat healthy foods, find out how great fresh produce tastes and save fast foods for emergencies.

References:

Gail Chen, “How Diet and Nutrition Impact a Child's Learning Ability” 2008

at http://www.publicschoolreview.com/articles/28

Randall Parker, “Diet Matters For Brain Performance” 2008

at http://www.futurepundit.com/archives/005348.html

Teaching Good TV Habits

Extract from an article by kidshealth.org

Read full article: How TV Affects Your Child

Here are some practical ways to make TV-viewing more productive in your home:

·   Limit the number of TV-watching hours:

o  Stock the room in which you have your TV with plenty of other non-screen entertainment (books, kids' magazines, toys, puzzles, board games, etc.) to encourage kids to do something other than watch the tube.

o  Keep TVs out of bedrooms.

o  Turn the TV off during meals.

o  Don't allow kids to watch TV while doing homework.

o  Treat TV as a privilege to be earned — not a right. Establish and enforce family TV viewing rules, such as TV is allowed only after chores and homework are completed.

·   Try a weekday ban. Schoolwork, sports activities, and job responsibilities make it tough to find extra family time during the week. Record weekday shows or save TV time for weekends and you'll have more family togetherness time to spend on meals, games, physical activity, and reading during the week.

·   Set a good example by limiting your own TV viewing.

·   Check the TV listings and program reviews ahead of time for programs your family can watch together (i.e., developmentally appropriate and nonviolent programs that reinforce your family's values). Choose shows that foster interest and learning in hobbies and education (reading, science, etc.).

·   Preview programs before your kids watch them.

·   Come up with a family TV schedule that you all agree upon each week. Then, post the schedule in a visible area (e.g., on the refrigerator) so that everyone knows which programs are OK to watch and when. And make sure to turn off the TV when the "scheduled" program is over instead of channel surfing.

·   Watch TV together. If you can't sit through the whole program, at least watch the first few minutes to assess the tone and appropriateness, then check in throughout the show.

·   Talk to kids about what they see on TV and share your own beliefs and values. If something you don't approve of appears on the screen, you can turn off the TV, then use the opportunity to ask thought-provoking questions such as, "Do you think it was OK when those men got in that fight? What else could they have done? What would you have done?" Or, "What do you think about how those teenagers were acting at that party? Do you think what they were doing was wrong?"
If certain people or characters are mistreated or discriminated against, talk about why it's important to treat everyone fairly, despite their differences. You can use TV to explain confusing situations and express your feelings about difficult topics (sex, love, drugs, alcohol, smoking, work, behavior, family life).

·   Talk to other parents, your doctor, and teachers about their TV-watching policies and kid-friendly programs they'd recommend.

·   Offer fun alternatives to television. If your kids want to watch TV but you want to turn off the tube, suggest that you all play a board game, start a game of hide and seek, play outside, read, work on crafts or hobbies, or listen and dance to music. The possibilities for fun without the tube are endless — so turn off the TV and enjoy the quality time together.

ADHD Controversy

Hyperactive children can be unmanageable, defiant and aggressive. Many parents have their fingers in their hair, staring at this little creature and think: “This isn’t what I signed up for”. Children are supposed to be the ultimate joy in a parent’s life.

So what went wrong?

While it is true that some children need ADHD management and medication, the rate of misdiagnosis is staggering. Earlier research stated that about 2-3% of children, more boys than girls are affected by ADHD. Looking at reality, in a class of 30 kids about 5 or more are on medication which is about 16%, far more than the 2-3%.

Some people claim that ADHD can be better diagnosed and therefore more children are being picked up (research shows that 10% of children are now diagnosed), but I believe that the true reason is misdiagnosis.

How many mothers have you met who says: “Jason was diagnosed with ADHD when he was grade 1, but when I had him retested in grade 3, they said that he didn’t have ADHD.” I know quite a few mothers with the same problem. Children are being misdiagnosed and put on medication they don’t need.

Why are kids being misdiagnosed?

There are several reasons. One is that a teacher complains to a parent about their child being hyperactive, distant or short concentration span. Parents want their child to be the best, nicest and most beautiful, so such a report must be changed.

Another is that parents compare their kids to their friends’ and find that their child is naughtier or more defiant than their friends’ “little angels”, resulting in medical intervention.

There are many other people who regularly complain to parents on the behaviour of their kids - grandparents, friends, babysitters, etc.

The next step is to have the child tested by a professional who will find the child has or doesn’t have ADHD and take necessary action.

Misdiagnoses happen when normal children seem hyperactive.

Now you may think I’ve lost my mind, but there are a number of reasons why a normal child displays characteristics of hyperactivity or attention deficit.

1)      Children consume too much sugar and preservatives and too little nutritional food or drink.
Children need real nutrition for their brains and bodies to work properly. How much frozen, crumbled chicken or other shaped food do you serve your kids? They’re easy to make: just bake, pan fry or deep fry, they keep for ages in the freezer and kids love them.
Why you shouldn’t give your children food like this: they’re full of preservatives, salt, sugar, fat, ground up meat off cuts, and more. The amount of real nutrition in these is shocking.
Your children need to eat real meat: chicken, beef, fish and vegetables (not take-away cheesy veggie bites) and fruit. The fresher the food, the better the nutrition. Frozen veggies can be used, but fresh veggies tastes better and are actually better for your family.
Rule of thumb: if it doesn’t spoil, don’t eat it; but eat it before it spoils.

Here is a fantastic article written by Dr. Michael G. Conner (Psychologist) which explains how food and TV can make your perfectly normal child seem hyperactive, defiant or even mentally disturbed.

2)      Children need to drink enough water. This is actually part of the previous point, but it is too important to skim over. Kids love sweet drinks, soda and flavoured milk, but the fact is that the need water. You can treat them from time to time with their favourite drink or candy (not a bucket load of candy, just about one child’s handful), but they need to eat fruit and drink water daily and by default.
Your kids should know that the answer to: “Mommy, I’m thirsty,” is “Here’s a glass of water.”

3)      Children need involved, assertive parents. If you let your kids walk all over you, that’s exactly what they will do. Your house is not a democracy - you are in charge and your kids need to understand, from as early as possible, that your rules are the law.
I’m not going to go on and on about how to be a good parent. There are numerous books and articles out there to help you be a better parent. Still, even if you’ve read every single book and article on parenting, it is still your house and you have to be comfortable with your life.
Just make sure that the kids understand that the parents have to be obeyed and they can’t manipulate you. Make sure that your rules serve the purpose of loving and protecting your child and your choices have their best interest at heart.

Children disobey parents and teachers when they aren’t sure that they are loved and/or when they always get their way. The latter can make children become increasingly manipulative with parents, other people in authority and peers.

If you suspect that your child has ADHD, first eliminate external factors, like diet and parenting style, before you march off to the doctor.